Do you have a young adult coming home from college—or maybe even moving back into your home?

Coming home isn’t quite the same as leaving. They’ve changed. And honestly… so have we. It looks a lot different when they arrive home as compared to when they left.

If that, is you, here are some questions to consider in this new season of parenting your young adult:

• • What agreements are in place for things like laundry, meals, jobs, curfews, or relationships?
• • Are you clear on your expectations—or are they just unspoken hopes?

If you want to avoid conflict, make agreements as opposed to having expectations. It will save you a lot of heartache. 

An agreement is a negotiated and agreed upon arrangement between two parties – you and your young adult. 

Coming to the table, like mature adults, to discuss the new living arrangement will level up the relationship. It will also instill honor and respect in your young adult.  I do realize they may not be mature. However, we call them up to what God sees in them and who they are becoming. You do your part and God does the rest. 

Expectations assume, agreements align. One brings tension, the other builds trust.

I remember it was the summer of 2020, we were in the heat of the global pandemic, heat of racial and political upheaval, and the heat of summer. 

My 23-year-old daughter Hope lived in NYC and had been home for four months and was ready to return to work. 

My husband and I were SUPER CONCERNED about her safety in returning to NYC however, we let her decide. And her decision was to go back. 

So … we sat down at the kitchen table to make an AGREEMENT about her finances, her living situation, and most importantly her safety. We wrote it all down. 

An agreement is something we can make when different opinions, ideas, and intentions are shared as opposed to an expectation.

We all had the opportunity to speak, share our thoughts, and were able to come to an understanding of what was agreed upon. This worked out well for all of us. 

You can choose to put it in writing (which I recommend) or whatever method works best for all of you.  And don’t forget to make a note of what the outcome will be for either party if the agreement is not followed. This applies to both young adult and parents. 

How about this week you experiment with an unresolved topic – by coming to the table to make an agreement – where everyone is heard and satisfied with the conclusion to move forward?

My hope is for your conversation to feel authentic, honest, and less awkward—inviting trust not tension.

How can you show up this week with curiosity, not control, to make an agreement that works for everyone?